Tuesday 15 October 2013

My side of the Change Table Has been BUSY

I realize that I am probably not the best at keeping on top of the blog, but the reality is..... I am living life, spending time with the manimals.  No excuses just the truth.  The summer is always a busy time in all of our lives and we want to soak up every last bit of sunshine and warm temperatures that we can.  As we move into the cool, crisp and colourful fall, we enjoy the transition that nature is making and prepare for what is to come.  My wood is cut, split and stacked.  Summer manimal toys packed away and the fall/winter playthings are making their way into regular rotation, gardens still producing and oh right, paperwork for doula certification getting done!!  Getting ready in Fall is a very wonderful thing and as I continue my doula journey, there is much to be thankful for.  I am almost at the finish line to being certified and then we will see where this man doula road leads.
I hope that all of you that come across this are able to go outside and enjoy the colour of the season.

Friday 19 July 2013

The anticipation of birth

There is an interesting occurrence when there is a baby coming. First there is the confirmation that you are actually pregnant. Then there is the anxiousness associated with getting to the "3 month" mark. After that you feel like "ok this pregnancy is going to stick",  and then there is a bit of a lull in the action. The excitement of telling people that you are expecting may be starting to wear off. Your clothing doesn't really fit you and your are in that between stage of feeling like you are fat and then realizing " right I am pregnant".
You spend your time getting ready for something that no one can ever really be ready for, being a parent. Assuming that everything during the pregnancy goes well, there is the waiting for labour to start. You get little twinges in the third trimester that make you think that maybe this is it, should I cancel lunch with friends? Should I  go out to the mall to get that last item for the hospital bag? Will my water break while I am in the car or worse yet in the mall? Everything is mounting to an a life changing event. Most couples put a lot of their thoughts and energies into planning for the birth and sometimes forget what happens after. YOU ARE A PARENT!! And then the fun starts. Eat, sleep, cry becomes both the parents and babies routine for a while. You anticipate when they are going to wake up? when will I get an nap?or when will my partner come home so I can get some support?. All if these thoughts and feelings add up to a bunch of what ifs, that some of the time we have no control over the outcome, but wish that we did.
If we take a step back and breathe for a moment.... Go ahead I will wait..... I hope that there can be some clarity brought to all birthing situations. Take a minute to oxygenate that brain and realize what is going on, what action needs to be taken to get the desired result and move forward. Birth is all about the end result but the journey to get there is as important as the outcome, so take time to experience the journey.

Tuesday 11 June 2013

Please Don't Shush Me

As most know, I am on my journey to becoming a certified Doula through DONA International.  As part of the requirements, among other things, I need to be a doula for three births.  While I was at my last birth, everything was going very well.  Mom was labouring, everyone was working as a team and the baby was born happy and healthy.  Mom, dad and baby are now doing great.  At our last postpartum  meeting, I had asked the family if there was anything that I did that I could have done better or had a different approach.  I am always looking for feedback from the families that I work with because I feel that not only is that the best way for me to outline best practices for future families but also it gives the families a chance to voice if I have helped them meet their expectations of the birth.  The mom said something that reminded me how important it is to create an open dialogue.  She said that during the labor, there where a few times that I had "shushed" her.  Not in the way that you are trying to tell someone to be quiet, but in the way of comfort.  She explained to me that in her head she was saying " DON'T SHUSH ME!" but was not able to express herself verbally because she was concentrated on the task at hand, giving birth.  After some discussion she understood that I was not trying to make her be quiet, but to comfort her.  Women in labor can go inward to find the strength that they need and anything that would distract them from that could make some of her birth experience a negative one.  In this case, it was an isolated moment of shushdom and the birth went well, and I am glad that the mom shared this with me.

If you have a child that is crying or even an adult for that matter, some of us have the natural tendency to shush to help bring comfort.  I have 3 kids and I know that without even thinking about it I would shush shush shush while bouncing up and down until I was blue in the face to try to calm them down.  It is one of those things as parents that we develop and use.  It may not be a shush for all of us.  It could be a hmmmmm or an ahhhhhhh or whatever sound that comes out of you when you have children.

What I came away with is a deeper understanding of a couple of things.  Women in labor are working.  Everyone aroud them are trying to be as supportive as possible in helping her through the birth but the reality is, the doula, partner, OB or midwife are not doing the work.  We are present and empathetic, but really just caring and knowledgable bystanders.  I also wondered if other people in the birth comunity really ask for the feedback from the families that they work with.  Each birth is a new experience and will also give you the skills to help the next family.  Learning along the way makes us, as birth people, better at what we do.

Thank you to the family for letting me share this story and I look forward to many births on my drive down the doula highway. ( or is it a country back road?)

Sunday 26 May 2013

Will summer ever come ?

The transition from winter to what we as maritimers call summer is a long road.  Most of us spend our "spring" clearing out and cleaning what we have accumulated over the winter as well as making the switch from snow gear to fleece.  When you have children this means constant management of stuff.  When you do not have children, you tend to just have the things that maintain your childless life.  Your favourite couch or chair, beat up old TV and maybe an old comic book collection.  When you are blessed with children, your are also blessed with all the stuff that seems to come with them.  In all of the books about pregnancy, birth and child rearing, I never once saw a chapter on management and storage  of the stuff that comes with kids. From hand-me-down jolly jumpers, exersaucers and outfits, to plush toys and 3 foot long stuffed horses, these things take up space.  I have found that it does not help when the advertising world makes you think that you need that $600 stroller or the super fancy highchair.  It brings "keeping up with the jones"  to a whole new level.  To all of those that have spent a bloody fortune and the newest "thing" for you new human, it is your money so do with it what you like.  But I am of the opinion that the more money you shell out when you new one is just little and pooping their pants, you may set yourself up to be poor by the time they are asking for the keys to the car.  I feel that it is good Karma to pass along clothing and other beloved things to other people.  It not only helps reduce the consumer gong show, but the things that have been used but still have plenty of use left in them carry love and good memories that can be passed on.
As outside warms up enjoy digging out all of the spring summer clothes and don't freakout when you realize that you may have more then 10 pairs of shoes for your one child.  I have three, so do the math.
I wish that you transitions well in our spring and hope like heck that summer arrives before September.
Have a great day.

Monday 6 May 2013

Man Doula Education


           
I was lucky enough to attend a workshop over the weekend called “supporting Birth and Beyond- with Penny Simkin that was put on by the hard work of the Nova Scotia Doula Association. For those of you that do not know who she is, I would suggest a quick Google.  She is a pretty big deal in the doula world and from the looks on some of the women in the room, I would say that there were a few that were a bit star struck.  As I was sitting there in a room full of Doulas, Nurses and a Midwife I was struck by the fact that I was just one of the girls.  I am sure that some of the people there had the thought  “ what the heck is he doing here?” but no one seemed to mind. Ever since I started this Doula journey, I have been meet with nothing but acceptance.  When I took my Birth Doula course, everyone was very accepting.  When I took a Lactation Consultation Training course, yes you read it correctly, I was welcomed with an open mind.  I guess the fact is that while the majority of the birth communities are female there, are men intermixed.  I think that having more men in the birth community is a good thing and hope that there are more and more as time goes on.

When I put it out in the world that I was starting my journey to Doula hood, most comments from people are that it is a great idea and that it is a great addition to my massage therapy practice.  Some of my male friends just shook their heads, but for the most part it has all been positive.  People have the opinion that I will be of great help and support to the male partners that are going through the birth process.  I would agree but still I think that I can provide just as much support to the woman who is having the baby.  As far as I am concerned, a Doula is a trained Birth Support person who is there to provide the service to their clients.  The gender should not matter. Support is support, period.
I am looking forward to becoming more involved in the birth community here in Halifax and really believe that I have something to bring to the current landscape.

I hope that all of you are getting out in the sun and thank you to everyone that was at the conference on the weekend.

Thursday 2 May 2013

Being a Dad



Being a dad is a very interesting thing.  There is a great span in the male life when the one thing that we want to avoid, is getting someone pregnant.  Truth be told, I am sure that some of you have had the “ I am late” conversation.  As time passes, you either end up pregnant or you find your person that you wish to voluntarily procreate with, the fact of being a father ends up staring you in the face.  The reality is, there are no qualifications to be a father or parent.  There is no book, blog or how-to guide. It is trial by fire in the best sense.  You spend the whole pregnancy watching your partner’s belly grow and it seems that the inevitable challenge of being a father is going to come down the pipe or be taken out   of the sunroof.  Then there is that moment.  The moment that your little one takes the first breathes of life.  Maybe they are wailing and flailing, maybe they are crying and wondering what the heck is going on, chances are they are doing both and you are feeling the same.  The moments before birth are a combination of fear, joy and maybe even nausea but here is the thing.  The moment that you see that little person come out into the world is a moment that you can never change.  You are now a father for LIFE.  There is no going back.  It is a privilege and honour to be called “Dad”. 

It would seem that the focus during pregnancy, birth and postpartum is on the woman.  Granted they are doing the lion’s share of the work in growing a human, delivering a child, and breastfeeding.  As men we are given the job of “planting the seed” but then it seems that we can become somewhat of a shadow. There may be hurt feelings by men because some seem to see men as being incompetent human beings when it comes to babies. There is a special role that you must now play.  As a new father you need to step up and be the best that you can muster.  If it is 2 am and your partner is feeding your child, you get a glass of water and a healthy snack if requested, and often it is not.  If you are tired and feel that you cannot go on, then you need to suck it up because I am pretty sure that your partner is struggling more then you.  You change the diaper no matter how gross it is.  You make time for your partner to nap.  You cook, clean, or take care of the other children.  Whatever it takes. You give a hand, two if you are able; to make sure that your family is taken care of.  I am not saying that it is easy, but what I am saying is that it is what makes things work and at the same time, be so rewarding.  The more support new parents get, the better off they are.  That starts with partners supporting each other.  Step up to the challenge of parenthood and your life will continue to be grand.  There will be times when you feel overwhelmed but one look from that little face, one connecting look, will make all of the difference. 

To all of the fathers out there that have stepped up, the world will thank you because your offspring will be better off for it.  To the ones that may not have done what they should have, for one reason or another, there is always a chance to be a redeem yourself, but it is your choice to make it happen. Remember, being a father is a privilege, not a right, and should be treated as so.

Just my thoughts .